I officially love the Amp 'Walk of Shame' commercial. So much so that I typed out the lyrics and forwarded the whole shebang to my brother and best friends with the tagline, 'where the hell was this when we were in college?'
My brother replies with a clip of Ben Folds's 'Late'... aka a heartfelt dirge lamenting the loss of Elliot Smith.
Let's recap: I celebrate a commercial proudly encouraging embarrassing decisions and sexual promiscuity. My brother remembers a great artist remembering another great artist. I am an asshole.
Got me thinking about dichotomy, contradictions...
If I had a dollar for every time someone (ok, a man, men in general) told me I was either 'interesting' or 'fascinating' I would have... a lot of dollars.
So what the hell makes me so interesting, you know? This is what I keep asking myself. I'm 'different' or 'special' or 'one of a kind,' depending on who you ask and how much he or she may have been drinking. I'm 'a study in contrasts.'
Well let's discuss some of those.
I buy organic produce but eat ramen noodles without hesitation.
I'm a bit of a ball-buster but hate (hate hate hate) to sleep alone.
I make fun of chick flicks but watch Lifetime movies. ('Boyfriend for Christmas' is a personal favorite, btw. That one might have been on the WE channel though).
I reject conventional Christianity (especially Catholicism) but feel most spiritually connected in ancient cathedrals.
I look like I belong on Wisteria lane but the suburbs give me nightmares.
I am the WASP postergirl but pretty much wish I was Jewish. A lot, actually.
One of my greatest and most shallow triumphs comes from the fact that I look better than you do and I paid less for my outfit. (I said it was shallow).
Even though I'm as domestic as it gets, I don't know if I'll ever have children. (My choice, it's complicated).
The word 'marriage' gives me an involuntary physical reaction. Not the good kind.
I feel suffocated by my hometown but hate when an outsider criticizes it.
I alphabetize my dvds and color-code my closet but my car is a mess.
I complain when I feel unappreciated by men but usually ignore and/or push violently away those rare few that do show interest.
I survived open heart surgery but still faint when I get an injection... or even think about getting one.
I always get seasick, I'm afraid of fish and deep water... but I love to scuba dive.
I don't trust people.
I own real fur.
I drink beer with a straw.
I'm a damn good cook but you'd never know it because I buy groceries less often than the moon wanes and only use my kitchen for making tea and storing non-perishables like $3 bottles of wine.
I know the lyrics to more showtunes and antiquated Broadway hits than current top 40 songs.
Hate: MTV, Fox News, fundamentalism, sexual discrimination, wearing clothes.
Love: Golden Girls reruns, gardens, reading books outside, being serenaded, traveling.
Think Green, Buy Vintage.
I hate insects but will probably make you kill it for me.
I'm terrified of being ordinary but might not have a choice.
I can quote Jane Austen verbatim... from the books.
I work in retail and still like to play dress up. Can anyone say 'theme party?'
On those days when I think I might want to be a mother, I cry because I don't think I would survive it. I never want to pass this on to my child. Never.
I never cry. Never.
I talk too much but don't actually confide very much in anyone.
Never been a great dancer, never gonna be a great dancer. Although I do a mean Cuban Shuffle when I've been drinking heavily.
I am my mother, no 'turning into' about it.
I give the best advice in the world for someone who refuses to have an genuine romantic relationship of her own.
I'm solid as oak but flighty as hell.
If I love you, then I love you unconditionally. Once you're in the circle, you're in for life.
Love being overdressed in dive bars.
I make my life harder than it really is with a complex web of theoretical ideas, strobe lit daydreams, and overly-intellectualized analysis of the everyday.
I'm lonely often but good luck trying to get close to me. Really, good luck.
My family means everything to me even though we're really just one big fucking mess.
I've seen a lot of sunrises and don't sleep well.
I miss living abroad and hate that my French has gone straight to hell.
Love to kiss gay men.
Talk during movies.
Tend to obsess over one person for months at a time, even if I won't admit it. Years, even.
An optimist with an uncanny ability for cynical foresight.
Desperately in need of verbal affirmation most of the time.
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1 comment:
Seems to me that you are perfect as you can be.
I see no contradictions in your being. I do see contradictions in who you are and who you think you should be, or who you think others will expect you to be.
Tonight I was learning about Dark Matter in the Universe. We can't see it, but we can detect it because it bends light telescopically. The phenomenon that makes dark matter visible is called Gravitational Lensing.
We can only infer that the dark matter is there, we cannot see it.
Imagine, if you will, a stone under a rapid place in a stream. We do not see the stone, but we can infer that it is there because of the way it bends or distorts the water in three dimensional space.
I bring this up, because I beleive that the space which has crept between us is filled with similar dark matter. I have infered the presence of something very influential, but not readily detecable just below the surface. Something has distorted the flow of light and energy and taken you far into the distance. I still see in you, nothing but light. The darkness is no more real than the fear of it.
And what so ever has sent you to the opposite end of the galaxy, can just as organically send you back. Some orbits are long ones.
Sometimes what I read here makes me feel needed, but I am also used to being let go due to the intesity and unrelenting nature of my conversations...they are heavy and summertime is too hot to carry such things.
I feel that it is important for me to say, I see the stones and objects of dark matter that bend and shape the luminous rays of your expression.
I do not find you to be contradictory. Only many faceted, the cuts on the back of a diamond do not conradict the cuts on the front. They only intersect, interact and create the depth befitting a totally unique jewel.
I leave you with one final piece of scientific poetry. It's called Adaptive Optics. Since our own atmosphere is so turbulent we cannot see the universe with any focus. Our most advance telescopic technology has been made to compensate for this distortion.
If one waits for the atmosphere to become calm, they will never see heaven.
One must adjust for atmospheric (emotional) turbulance, if one is seeking a clear view and a clearer experience of one's palce in the universe.
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