Weekly catastrophes:
- chipped nail polish. (so unrefined/unladylike/tacky)
- missed Grey's Anatomy (dumbass. forgot.)
- still living in the wilderness, aka no internet or television. (I ache for Jon Stewart. Is an addiction. Withdrawal symptoms include serious lack of world news knowledge/witticisms hence bitchy/defensive attitude to make up for it. damnit.)
- no sleep. (replaced with Tab Energy.)
- drank too much. (as usual)
Weekly highlights:
- crush on my philosophy professor. (seriously.)
- salsa dancing. (am entirely without talent yet high in enthusiasm.)
- Notre Dame/Michigan State game. (awesome.)
- Jyl at Fox and Hound. (after work cocktails. brilliant I tell you.)
- drank too much. (woooo college)
Sunday, September 24, 2006
Monday, September 18, 2006
Chock Full
Strange week has just passed. Bout with influenza occupied most of the early days, leaving me bedridden, shivering and overcome with that dull ache and hum of illness. Everyone is falling prey it seems. Am dosed up on zinc/sudafed/Airborne/vitamins/ambien... the place is feeling like some sort of immunity defense bunker. and lysol, god the lysol. I am such a predictable creature when it comes to these things: disinfect, clean, bleach, purge, scrub, etc.
Have come to realize the extent of my own obsessive cleanliness, appreciating it only as conversation has allowed me reflected glimpse of myself. (Example: "Allison, what did you do today?" "Oh, I spent 4 hours disinfecting my walls.") Not something many find the ability to comprehend or even sympathize. Imagine.
Extensive four-day stretch of work shifts. Have emerged in encouragingly sunny frame of mind.
Spent most of Friday evening pondering the wonders of America, esp. as compared with a)Europe and b)everybody else. God, felt like such a snob. Was trying to make a decent "first impression" and wound up (in my opinion) painting myself as little more than an overly verbal lush/floozie/flake/eccentric. Hrumph. Was hoping to appear "charming" or at least give that impression of having some sort of "je ne sais quoi." Instead relayed endless stories about my social escapades these past few years, all of which could certainly begin, "so I was drunk this one time..." Puts the "college years" in a certain perspective, I suppose, but then again I have adopted a new philosophy on life, courtesy of certain unnamed Zen lectures as told to me by an amazing co-worker.
NOBODY LIKES YOU ANYWAY, SO JUST BE YOURSELF.
That needs to be embroidered on a pillow if you want my humble opinion. I have embraced it as a new mantra for this phase in my life and plan to allow it to trickle into all facets of my relationships. Honesty, as anyone could guess, is of vital importance to me... and yet I sense in myself a degree of insincerity incongruous with my own values. No thank you. Be off. Be gone. Henceforth I shall dedicate much more effort to remain more parallelled with truth, love, life, spirituality, joy.
Last minute decision to join friends to see The Last Kiss tonight. Fantastic. Was honestly blown away by Blythe Danner. God the woman was nuanced, incredibly in tune. And Zach Braff. Mmmm. Man does have good taste, doesn't he? Has evolved into some miraculous sort of King Midas, gold in his wake. I love it. Love to come home from a film with the taste of it still lingering, the weight of words ringing. Thought-provoking, that would be the generic way to phrase it. Mmmm.
Have come to realize the extent of my own obsessive cleanliness, appreciating it only as conversation has allowed me reflected glimpse of myself. (Example: "Allison, what did you do today?" "Oh, I spent 4 hours disinfecting my walls.") Not something many find the ability to comprehend or even sympathize. Imagine.
Extensive four-day stretch of work shifts. Have emerged in encouragingly sunny frame of mind.
Spent most of Friday evening pondering the wonders of America, esp. as compared with a)Europe and b)everybody else. God, felt like such a snob. Was trying to make a decent "first impression" and wound up (in my opinion) painting myself as little more than an overly verbal lush/floozie/flake/eccentric. Hrumph. Was hoping to appear "charming" or at least give that impression of having some sort of "je ne sais quoi." Instead relayed endless stories about my social escapades these past few years, all of which could certainly begin, "so I was drunk this one time..." Puts the "college years" in a certain perspective, I suppose, but then again I have adopted a new philosophy on life, courtesy of certain unnamed Zen lectures as told to me by an amazing co-worker.
NOBODY LIKES YOU ANYWAY, SO JUST BE YOURSELF.
That needs to be embroidered on a pillow if you want my humble opinion. I have embraced it as a new mantra for this phase in my life and plan to allow it to trickle into all facets of my relationships. Honesty, as anyone could guess, is of vital importance to me... and yet I sense in myself a degree of insincerity incongruous with my own values. No thank you. Be off. Be gone. Henceforth I shall dedicate much more effort to remain more parallelled with truth, love, life, spirituality, joy.
Last minute decision to join friends to see The Last Kiss tonight. Fantastic. Was honestly blown away by Blythe Danner. God the woman was nuanced, incredibly in tune. And Zach Braff. Mmmm. Man does have good taste, doesn't he? Has evolved into some miraculous sort of King Midas, gold in his wake. I love it. Love to come home from a film with the taste of it still lingering, the weight of words ringing. Thought-provoking, that would be the generic way to phrase it. Mmmm.
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Fear of Flying
"I knew that the women who got most out of life (and out of men) were the ones who demanded most, that if you acted as if you were valuable and desirable, men found you valuable and desirable, that if you refused to be a doormat, nobody could tread on you. I knew that servile women got walked on and women who acted like queens got treated that way."
Erica Jong
Erica Jong
Saturday, September 09, 2006
Inferno
If I do not survive the night, we can all thank the following: Metro bar, jacuzzi-induced wine consumption, red wine vineyards everywhere, the Anheiser-Busch corporation, Howl at the Moon piano bar, and my own idiocy.
Am living in Dante's ninth circle of hell. Every part of my body is somehow palsic, quivering in post-alcohol terror as my heart races and joins the rhythm of pounding in my head. Was actually sent home from work today. Must have been turning green; my manager took one look at my face and just said, "Allison, go home. We can handle this." Was very good timing as I was terrified of passing out and was barely able to stand. Longest drive home of my life.
Does not make me feel v. proud of myself. Have been using move downtown as catalyst for positive life changes, ie quit smoking, get up earlier, seize the day. This is definitely a slight backtrack.
Am living in Dante's ninth circle of hell. Every part of my body is somehow palsic, quivering in post-alcohol terror as my heart races and joins the rhythm of pounding in my head. Was actually sent home from work today. Must have been turning green; my manager took one look at my face and just said, "Allison, go home. We can handle this." Was very good timing as I was terrified of passing out and was barely able to stand. Longest drive home of my life.
Does not make me feel v. proud of myself. Have been using move downtown as catalyst for positive life changes, ie quit smoking, get up earlier, seize the day. This is definitely a slight backtrack.
Sunday, September 03, 2006
the forsaken times
quiet evening, distracted by the hums and clanks and sirens of the new flat and its downtown wonders. had entirely forgotten this site/blog until stumbled onto jessica's for kicks - js you are fantastical, hurrah - and thought, why not?
cannot keep up with these addictive sites... something so thrilling and indulgent about keeping personal sites dedicated to... oneself. thoughts, tandems, memories, queries, life lessons, random BS to fill the cosmos... no wonder we're the blog generation. my mother was telling me that even president clinton has a myspace page - i keep meaning to check on that - so there you have it. i mean the man plays the goddamn sax, we always knew he was cool.
listening to tom waits and feeling intellectual in that berkley/ginsberg/dylan sort of way. also drinking port (you know i am obsessed with all things portuguese) and basking in its crimson smoothness. sometimes a girl just needs a glass of wine.
have enormous new place and lots of empty space... well that's what happens when you don't own furniture. but hell's bells, i have a sauna. so there you have it. sauna + wine + poetry + city air = heaven. will be interesting when add roommate to the mix (cross fingers). eager to entertain, play hostess. have obviously evolved into a moderately exact replica of my mother, hostess/entertainer extraordinaire.
would love to be at the lake tonight. annual labor day party, lots of hobnobbing and a steady stream of alcohol with the cool sweetness of the september air ushering out the summer season. sigh. cannot get enough of that place.
fantastic weekend. IU reunion + wild piano bar + "buckets" of bud light = great night. sang myself hoarse ("singing" being relative, mostly shouting lyrics to classic billy joel, journey, 70's anthems). love living so close to the buzz of nightlife.
cannot keep up with these addictive sites... something so thrilling and indulgent about keeping personal sites dedicated to... oneself. thoughts, tandems, memories, queries, life lessons, random BS to fill the cosmos... no wonder we're the blog generation. my mother was telling me that even president clinton has a myspace page - i keep meaning to check on that - so there you have it. i mean the man plays the goddamn sax, we always knew he was cool.
listening to tom waits and feeling intellectual in that berkley/ginsberg/dylan sort of way. also drinking port (you know i am obsessed with all things portuguese) and basking in its crimson smoothness. sometimes a girl just needs a glass of wine.
have enormous new place and lots of empty space... well that's what happens when you don't own furniture. but hell's bells, i have a sauna. so there you have it. sauna + wine + poetry + city air = heaven. will be interesting when add roommate to the mix (cross fingers). eager to entertain, play hostess. have obviously evolved into a moderately exact replica of my mother, hostess/entertainer extraordinaire.
would love to be at the lake tonight. annual labor day party, lots of hobnobbing and a steady stream of alcohol with the cool sweetness of the september air ushering out the summer season. sigh. cannot get enough of that place.
fantastic weekend. IU reunion + wild piano bar + "buckets" of bud light = great night. sang myself hoarse ("singing" being relative, mostly shouting lyrics to classic billy joel, journey, 70's anthems). love living so close to the buzz of nightlife.
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