Keepin' my eyes on the road this time around
Keepin' my hands pressed to the wheel
Something so strange as a woman has got me down
Ain't gonna be your damn fool again
Drivin' tonight just to ease my mind
A man in this mood is a most dangerous kind
Then there was the time my head went blind
Couldn't see the sign at the time
Years would go by before I wondered who
Or where or what or why
Lovin' you was like lovin' a house on fire
Burning and learning when the damage was done
Now I'm tired and I'm scared and wide open
To the rest of my life
And I almost had it all
I'm sick and tired but I'm hoping
That a cure will be found
Cause I can't stop thinking bout you
I can't stop thinking bout you
Here face to face with what I've been running from all these years
Hangs a dark cloud over the moon
Pull off to this roadside dive and maybe test my sobriety
Order a tall cool ginger ale
Lovin' you was sort of like lovin' a fifth of the finest bourbon
Was it your quality or high quantity that's put me in the shape I'm in
Now I'm tired and I'm scared and wide open to the rest of my life
And I almost had it all
I'm fooling myself by thinking
That a cure will be found
Cause I can't stop thinking bout you
I can't stop thinking bout you
- Martin Sexton
[one of the absolute finest songs for melancholy hours like these... if you ever have the chance to hear him live... GO.]
It's time to start being a better friend... and stop talking about myself so much. When did I turn into such a raging narcissist? Maybe I spend too much time alone with my thoughts, too many late sleepless hours with nothing but my own spinning microcosm of a life to distract me.
... in the words of my college darlings OK GO, "get get get get get over it."
Time to get back to the roots... back to a higher circle, a world that loves me back... back to a lifestyle where I respect myself in the morning, don't allow pettiness in others to poison my nights... I refuse to allow them to determine my perception of myself. Damnit! Don't make me defend my actions, dismiss me for calling you out on your own patchwork morals, leave me bruised and labeled an unkind term. I won't be pigeon-holed into that role anymore. Get somebody else to do the dirty work, take on the role of 'bad cop' and face the brunt of the backlash. Or try it yourself for once.
I can't believe you called me that. After all this... everything...
What is wrong with me? How could I have been so blind to who you really were to me? Why did I think we were on emotionally equal levels with each other? When it was so obvious all this time...
I really don't want to sleep by myself tonight... but I need to get over that too. In the end, I shouldn't require anyone else to complete me or hold me steady, right? But... is it wrong to just want somebody to hold me anyway?
Ugh. Get it together, Mitchell.
Enough, I say. Enough.
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I just heard this song and it struck something inside me so I went looking for a copy of it online. Then this post came up with all of the lyrics. I skipped through it and hoped to find a link at the end of the page but I ended up reading your post. Apart from OK GO being mentioned it was as though you had taken the past four months of my life and summed up every thought and feeling I'd had. The thoughts I was almost certain existed only in this crazy head of mine. I found a bit of comfort in knowing that someone somewhere understands my current mood and thought pattern. Thanks for that, it's incredibly encouraging!
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