Time to take an inventory of my life.
Time to make it happen.
Time to grow up.
Time to fight for everything.
Time to act.
Time to detox.
Time to help.
Time to acknowledge myself.
Time to fix flaws.
Time to love... and be loved.
Today I want it all. It's scary... but it's possible. I have to believe that. Terrifying changes on the horizon. Completely, paralyzingly terrifying events. If I'm not strong now, I'm going to be completely drowned. Time to be the strong one after so many years as the unstable mess. They deserve that.
[I'm frightened]
And my heart aches for them. Why did they both have to suffer the same fate as I? I'm just so helpless, so devastated on the sidelines while the all-too-familiar pattern repeats itself in their worlds. And he's so young! Exactly the same age I was when the storm descended and the darkness blackened a decade with its soft whispers of inadequacy, failure, disillusion, hostility, bleak acceptance, loss... why this horrible legacy? What can I do, the one who should most compassionately understand, when all I feel is this despondent helplessness? What if I can't fix this one?
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2 comments:
You can't fix it for anyone else. Sometimes you just have to let them face it as you have..
If you are not strong now you will be drowned? You are strong. You are strong enough to have saved yourself or to have allowed yourself to have been rescued. Real strength is facing the phantom assasin inside your own mind and making time to curl up on my couch and watch films from the local video mart. Strength is something you have in spades. You have strength enough to admit that you don't feel strong. You are strong as the bonds in the atoms in your mascara! Nothing has broken you, nothing has diminished your sparkle, nothing has put a fear in you that you have not overcome. Nothing has caused you to be false! Frightened, yes. False, never. I see you as a complete miracle. Who knew that the midwest was rearing magnificent creatures like you? I had no idea how sweet and art-like life could be before I knew you. Your strength is obvious to me as breathing. Your writings are as stirring and authentic as any in all of human history.
Whosoever you are concerned for may or may not survive the darkness and the storm, as you have identified it. Whatever becomes of them, it will not be due to any lack of strength or lack of courage in you.
"We are star dust, we are golden, and we've got to get ourselves back to the garden." -Joni M.
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