autumn clouds

I feel myself dangerously veering off the edge of my usual sense of self, at risk of somehow making that fatal mistake, that unforgettable hurtful remark, that unneccesarily heartless sneer at someone undeserving... I'm like some cliche 'mean' character who snaps at everyone and mistreats her loved ones despite being, on the whole, a very lovable person. [think Lifetime movie] It's like my next scene should be where some trusted mentor takes me aside for the pep talk and lays out the details of how my downward spiral affects others.

where is this angst coming from? this is not like me.

I'm worn down, worn out, and beginning to feel the november stress accumulate in my veins like a stored drug that I've grown to tolerate in high doses.

Please let tomorrow see the clouds lift and something sparkle in these blustery days.